In part one we discussed how wives should avoid nagging and controlling tactics on their husbands. Now, I will address the issues from the woman’s side. What do men need to work on. I will remind you that these articles are written for the general population. They may not apply to you and your particular marriage at all. But please remain humble enough to allow the Holy Spirit to speak to you if there is any truth to be found in your personal life in this area. If you never struggle with any of this, then you need to look around and help minister to other men. Maybe you should start a men’s group at church because there is an abundance of men who do struggle with these issues. Our goal is to improve our marriages. Our goal is by having better marriages, we can give God more glory. He designed marriage, and we need to be the kind of man that lives in such a way as to give God glory from the way we treat our wives.
The two big areas that most men need to work on is pride and anger. And they go together. Men with a great deal of pride, have a great deal of anger.
1) Anger. Anger is a secondary response to some other emotion. If you want to deal with your anger, then you have to see what is driving it. Is it frustration? Is it fear of failure? Is it fear of rejection? Is it fear of not being the dominant one in your relationship? Are you too stressed out? You have to step back and identify what are the triggers for your anger. What sets you off? Often times you get so angry at your wife, when she is just a convenient target. The real root source of the anger is something else. Find what that is so you can deal with it. Fear drives most anger. It doesn’t mean you are afraid of something. It means like fear of failure, rejection or not being seen as masculine.
Communication is the key to dealing with your anger. You two have to sit down, and you have to actually be strong enough to tell her what the problem is that you have with her. Then, you have to both make adjustments. You must communicate in prayer to ask God to help you. Ask God to deliver you from exploding anger or anger that you hold inside that becomes wrath. Work out solutions that work for both of you. It is called negotiating with your mate.
Learn to pick a weird number and count backwards from there for 30 seconds. Pick 1,624,501. Now start counting backwards. You will have to stop and think about it. This is good. It takes the edge off your anger. Take time outs. When you start feeling it rise up in you, ask your wife for a time out. Go outside and walk. Even at work, if you can walk down the hallway or some place, it will relieve enough tension to not explode. Tell her honestly, you need some space. Then, pray and go dig in the yard, hammer some wood etc. Don’t be destructive however. Just get the “arrugghh” out of you. Then, come back and talk about it.
2) Pride. Pride is what causes our sin. Pride is our flesh. I am not talking about being proud of some accomplishment. You can be proud of your kids. You can be proud of running 2 miles, getting a job completed and it looks good, etc… Pride is sinful when we think too much that our life is about us. We get easily frustrated when others infringe upon my time, my money, my plans, or my life. The more “me” is in there, the more pride we have. Marriage is about “we” and not “me”. You don’t make independent decisions any more. You include your life mate. She is your equal. You are to be the head of the home. That may be part of your anger and frustration. You have allowed your wife to be the head of the home. God wants you to be the head. But you are to be a servant leader. You are not to be a ruthless dictator. Head of the home does not mean you make all the decisions, and if she doesn’t like it – tuff. You seek everyone’s input so that you can make the best decision. Christ served and died for His bride. Husbands according to Ephesians 5:25 are to do the same thing.
You might live by I Peter 3:7. Let all of your actions give honor to the wife. How do I know what is honoring? You get your knowledge according to scripture. Scripture tells you how to treat others. You can be in this same passage of scripture and verses 8-16 gives good advice on how to treat your spouse. If you keep sucking the life right out of marriage with your pride and anger, then you are not honoring her, and verse 7 says your prayers will be cut off. The worst place for a Christian man is to have his prayers cut off from heaven. You can control your anger. All things are possible with God. You can get rid of your pride and not be so easy to fly off the handle at her if you will work on your own self-esteem. Know true manhood as defined by the Bible, and not by American society. Manhood is not a competition. It is an acceptance of a responsibility by God. A man shows how much he thinks of himself deep down, by how he treats his wife. She reflects his inner being.