Family Ark Ministries

Did you ever expect someone to do something, and then they didn’t. It’s a sure fire way to make you depressed, or angry, or frustrated or exasperated. It almost always makes you disappointed in this other person. You had an expectation, and they didn’t meet it. The problem is not that they didn’t meet your expectations. The problem is that you had the expectations in the first place. People are going to fail meeting all your expectations. Only God can meet all of our expectations.
Sometimes, young people expect that their future spouse will meet some expectation that they hold. This expectation may be unrealistic. Or, it may be realistic, but it is your expectation and not your spouses. You have put this on them with the only result going to be disappointment. We must all be careful to not put our expectations of what we think others should do. As an example, a young man may think that when he gets married that his wife will cook for him. Some wives do. Some don’t. But you are putting something on her that may not belong to her personality. Maybe a young lady thinks her husband will be able to do all the car repairs. That can be a misguided expectation because not all men know how to work on cars, nor do they want to. The more of these you put on someone, the more disappointed you will be with them.
Then, there are those expectations that should never be placed on anyone. If you get married and expect that your spouse will bring you happiness, and you will never be lonely again: boy are you going to be rudely awakened. That is impossible. Happiness comes and goes in a relationship. Some days we are happy, and some days we are not. A spouse can’t make you that anyway. Happiness comes from knowing and serving the Lord. He may use your spouse to meet some of those needs, but He alone is the sole source of joy, happiness and completeness. Some of the most lonely people in the world are married people who have grown distant and apathetic towards their spouse. It is really unfair to even put this “happiness” expectation on another person.
The only purpose of marriage is to glorify God. The purpose of marriage is not for self-fulfillment and happiness. Those are by-products of a marriage where each person is living for the Lord and giving themselves to the other. God is our source of self-fulfillment. God should be our source of joy and happiness. Putting these expectations on other people will only make you sad. The more expectations you place on another person, the sadder you will become.
How about with our children? How about with grandchildren? My children make me happy. My new little granddaughter brings such joy to my life. There is no denying that. However, I count these as blessings from God. My total joy is met in Christ alone. The joy I feel for my granddaughter is overflow. My cup overfloweth. But it would be wrong for me to put all of my need for joy and happiness on my granddaughter. She can’t be perfect. She will do things wrong in the future. She won’t be happy every day. And if she pitches a fit in Wal-Mart some day, I may not be happy with her at that moment. But you see, I don’t require that of her. Jesus meets all my emotional needs. He can use my family to help show me His love and joy. And if there are days that I am not happy with my spouse, or children or grandchildren, then that is just a temporary event. But I still have my total source of fulfillment in life. I can never lose Jesus. I can never lose the love and acceptance that God has for me through Jesus Christ. This type of love is found in Romans 8:38,39. Again in I Corinthians 13:7. His total acceptance of me is Hebrews 13:5.
I see many parents disappointed in their kids. And sadly, the kids know this. The parents have put up some ideal they got from society of what a great kid would look like; and then put that on their child. But God makes every kid unique. Not every child will go to college. They don’t have to go to college to still be a great success in life for God. But you browbeat them into this expectation, and when it doesn’t work out, you are disappointed in them. And they get low self-esteem and shame because they feel they have let you down. Don’t put that burden on your kids. You can encourage them. You can help guide them. But don’t put all these expectations on them for your own low self-esteem or bragging rights to the family. They don’t have to make the honor roll to be a good kid. They don’t have to go to college to be wise. They don’t have to make tons of money to be successful in God’s eyes. Only yours. Be content with how God has made your child and treasure them for who they are as God made them.
Finally, quit beating yourself up and putting expectations on yourself. Do the best you can. Develop as God has gifted you. And don’t put American standards of success and happiness on yourself. We all need to be whom God made us without any other people putting their expectations on us. Amen?