Family Ark Ministries

Let me begin by reminding you of the focus of part one on this subject. If you miss this point, you will not be able to be a Christian care-giver. All of the first article dealt with your attitude. The wrong attitude is the killer to all caring. A lack of empathy for your loved one will cause all caring to cease. I focused on some things that all care-givers must be vigilant to avoid. These are the attitudes of bitterness, resentment and blaming. You mustn’t feel guilt if you feel this way. You just have to make sure that you root it out. God can give you victory over your attitude when we take every thought captive to Him. When entertaining self-pity thoughts in your head, you should immediately quote scripture, start praying or sing a praise song to God. Ask God specifically for a Godly attitude. I gave you scriptures in part one that included Matthew 5:16, Matthew 25:34-40,

Galatians 6:2 and Colossians 3:23.

Remember to keep your focus. Love is unconditional. You are expressing unconditional love to this sick person by caring for them. This is your ministry in life right now at this point. For some of you it is a joy to care for a sick person, and for some it is a struggle. Either way, do this as unto the Lord and not as unto man. That will give you the proper focus during this time.

4) Take some time for yourself. This may seem somewhat contradictory after the first article. I said don’t resent not having any free time for yourself. That is still true. Don’t grow bitter and resentful because caring for the sick is taking up all your extra time. However, it doesn’t mean that you need to seek martyrdom. You have a human body that has limits. You can care deeply for someone, and still get yourself down. A care-giver is not going to be much good to the sick person, if they get sick themselves. You will have to be wise enough to know when you are getting run down and exhausted. You will physically not be able to help if you are depleted. Also, Satan has no trouble over-taking the mind of an exhausted, weakened Christian. So, set some boundaries. It is not being selfish to ask someone to help for a day while you restore your soul. It is not being selfish to have someone else help you while you go to the mall, to the park, to the gym etc… You need a mental break. You may need to enlist help from others just so you can periodically get some sleep. You have to rest if you are going to be able to keep up the routine of helping your sick loved one.

You may say, but I have no one to help. This is how the bitterness train starts out of the station. Stop this thought in it’s tracks. Pray. You can find someone. Maybe God will show you someone you didn’t think of. Mostly, it is that you have not expressed that you need help. If no one else from your family is able to help you, don’t get bitter, get better. Call your pastor and let him know you need some help. Let your Sunday school class know. Christians are suppose to care for one another. Most simply are never made aware of a need. If you are caring for a severely sick person for long term, then you may want to seek professional assistance. Check with your doctor. Tell him or her the issues. You may be eligible for a home health nurse, a volunteer to come to the home to assist in bathing or sitting. There are even adult day cares so that you can have a day off. Trust that you need to take care of yourself on a regular basis, and there is help available in one form or another.

5) Set boundaries. I wrote about the fire breathing dragons that some of you have to care for in the last article. Love them unconditionally. Serve them with grace and mercy. Ask God for heaping doses of mercy. But it is also okay for Christians to set boundaries. You may need to let the sick person know what you are able to do, and not do. You may ask them to help themselves in areas that you know they are capable of performing in order to help you. This is not selfishness, but more for self-preservation. Also, you don’t have to take verbal abuse. You need to speak the truth in love. Ephesians 4:15. Let them kindly know that you love them and will care for them, but you will not accept the blame, guilt or verbal put-downs. Walk out of the room if they start on you. This is an example of boundary setting. Just because they are sick does not mean they control the remote control 24 hours a day. Even in little things, a sick person can dominate and control others. In these cases, you can set boundaries. It is too bad that when we are sick, our mental and emotional issues only seem to be exacerbated.

6) Serve with gusto. Colossians 3:23 states that we should be serving and helping others because we love Jesus and want to serve Him. We are to be doing this not because the person is deserving of it everyday. We are doing it because we love Jesus and want to serve him. When we serve others, we are in fact serving Jesus. Matthew 25:34-40. Colossians 3:23 uses the word “heartily” in the KJV. What does that mean? It means enthusiastically and warmly. God wants you to be a cheerful giver of care. Not a begrudgingly giver. Your loved one would appreciate it as well. So remember, that you are in a ministry to serve the Lord by serving your loved one. Ask for grace and mercy to be given from you to the sick one. Count it a blessing that God has given you the opportunity to care for a loved one. It is not a burden. It is a blessing. Always check your attitude. Ask the Lord for strength every day. And smile. There will be no care giving in heaven because there will be no more sickness!

If you belong to a family, then caring for a sick family member is inevitable. We all get sick. People have surgery. People hurt their legs or feet and get laid up. Cancer eventually touches every family. We live in a broken world. When it comes your time to care for a loved one, then what things do you need to remember? During this stressful time, it is incumbent upon all of us to maintain our Christian principles of how we respond to others. During this time, our patience and principles will surely be tested.

1. Attitude – This is the most important aspect of care-giving. It doesn’t matter how well you make chicken noodle soup, if you serve it with a snarl; it doesn’t taste that good. You can help me to the restroom or change a bandage, but if you gripe the whole time you are doing it; I’d just as soon you leave me alone. Most people don’t want to be a bother to others, and you make the person who is sick feel even worse because you make them feel like a burden to you. Don’t add burdens to a burdened person by your attitude.

I know there are a handful of individuals who want attention, pity and crave you to serve their every whim. These family members don’t care if they are a bother to you. They thrive off the conflict. Thank goodness they are in the minority. Even with these fire breathing dragons, you must remember Matthew 5:16 and let your light shine before them so that they can see your good works and glorify the Father. You have to remember also that love is unconditional. Even if the person you care for is nasty to you, we have to show them the love of Christ at all times. I know it is hard. But that is why you lean on the everlasting arms of love in Jesus Christ. Remember, I am not serving them because they deserve it. I am serving them because I want to serve the Lord. I am loving them even on days they are unlovable, because I love Jesus. Scripture tells us to do all things as unto the Lord and not as unto men. Colossians 3:23. Your attitude will be greatly improved if you see this as a ministry for the glory of the Lord. You are doing it because you are a Christian. You are doing this because you follow Jesus and this is what Jesus is about. Yes, you care-give because you love this person. But there may be days when the love is wearing a little thin. It is at those times, you have to draw upon the love of the Lord, and realize ultimately you are doing this as an act of love and even obedience to the Lord. You are being obedient to Galatians 6:2. “ Bear ye one another’s burdens and so fulfill the law of Christ.” Matthew 25: 34-40 tells us that when we do any thing for one of the least of these our brethren, we have actually done it unto the Lord.

2. Avoid Bitterness. Along with the attitude theme, we need to avoid the killer to serving and helping others. It is bitterness. Stop going down that path. It serves no purpose but to bring you down. Bitterness is in your own mind. It won’t affect anyone but you. It will however, affect how you respond to others that you are caring for. Remember that scripture tells us to get at the root of bitterness and pull it up like a weed. If you don’t realize the very core of why you are bitter, it will just keep springing back up. No one knows about the true cause of our bitterness except the Lord. He knows your heart completely. Ask in prayer for Him to reveal to you the true cause of your bitterness. After this has been revealed, pray for the Lord to remove it as far as the East is from the West. If you don’t get rid of your bitterness, then it will give birth to resentment. That is the final straw in your ability to care for someone. Once you get to the stage of resenting the person you are caring for, you are done caring. Now it is an obligation. A job. A burden for you. You start becoming mean spirited towards the sick loved one. Now you have stopped helping, and you have started hurting. It is a mental battle. You have to do spiritual warfare in your head. If you say that you can’t; then ask the Lord for victory over your thought life. Stop your thoughts dead in their tracks every time you get a bitter idea. Start quoting scripture, praying or singing a praise song to God. You can control your thinking. You should take every thought captive to the Lord. II Corinthians 10:5.

Don’t think about how much of your time is going into caring for the other person. Stop thinking about having no time to relax and enjoy life. Satan is putting those thoughts in your head. He wants you to feel sorry for yourself. That gives birth to bitterness and resentment. These two attitudes are killers to caring.

3) Avoid blaming. Once your attitude has taken a turn for the worse, then you are going to start looking around to blame someone else for not helping you. People tend to blame other loved ones. You lash out at a spouse for not helping you care for your child. You blame brothers or sisters for not helping you care for a parent. You can even start blaming the sick person for not doing more for themselves. Blaming will serve no purpose except to steal your joy away in this life. Avoid blaming others like the plague.

More helpful hints will follow in part two of this series on helping family that is sick.