Family Ark Ministries

Abuse is not just physical. There is verbal abuse. There is mental and emotional abuse. There is spiritual abuse. All are evil. All are at an epidemic proportion. All are in need of the healing that Christ hast to offer. The abused people need healing and hope that Christ has to offer. The abuser needs the change that can come from Christ and the Holy Spirit. Then, it is possible for all people to change and for relationships to be restored.

The final outcome of a relationship however, is not the focus of this article. It is helping someone who is being abused. You must first understand that this person may not be rational in their thinking processes at this time. You think, “why can’t they see this?” But you are operating from a position of health, and they are operating from a position of crisis. That does not always lend itself to rational thinking. This is where you can help.

Don’t tell the person what they need to do. Give them some healthy, holy options. Show them some paths that they might take to freedom. Your role as a helper is not to take them by the hand and force them down the path you think they should go. Your best way to help them is to shed some light on a path that could lead to freedom and pray for them, and with them, to have the strength and courage to take the path God desires for them. Be very careful not to put your judgments on them as the best thing to do. Help them connect to God, but let the Holy Spirit guide them. That is His job.

You need to know that this person is flat busted. They are only shells of their former selves. A person who is abused is systematically destroyed from the inside-out. The abuser attacks their self-worth continually. He tramples on their dignity. They often times feel inadequate and stupid. They may even be to the point that they feel they can’t get out of the situation. This comes from being told they are too inept to do anything.

You who are spiritual; restore them. The Word of God is an excellent tool of healing. Slowly start once a day meeting with this person. Make a commitment that this is your ministry right now. Share scriptures with them that give encouragement. Share scriptures that give them hope. The two things an abused person needs most right now is to have hope and encouragement. I think later down the road, you can share scriptures about unconditional love. That is not always best at first. This person is very confused about love right now. They don’t know what love looks like. Love looks like God. But this is something that they will have to learn as they move away from abuse.

Help this person set boundaries. You do not set these yourself. Give them options and choices. Offer to drive them to counseling. Tell them you will make an appointment for them if they desire to do this. Encourage them to do this. Don’t’ force them to do this. Have mercy. This person has been forced to do things all their life. Don’t add to the control and domination in your effort to help them. Help them realize that it is okay to set boundaries. They are worthy of a healthy life free of abuse. It is perfectly okay for Christians to set boundaries. II Timothy 1:7 states that God has given us a sound mind. We can use that mind to step out of destructive relationships. There is no virtue as a Christian in lying down in the middle of the road, and allowing someone to keep running over you. Get up out of the road with the power of God also found in II Timothy 1:7.

Help this person find means of financial support. Almost all abusers know the best way to keep someone imprisoned in an abusive relationship, is to control the money. This means the person has no escape. They are held as economic prisoners. A woman with 2 small children stays because at least her children are fed and sheltered in the home. He controls all the money and tells her she can’t make it on her own. How will you feed the kids out there? This is part of the evil plan. It is prudent and wise for her to have some funds set aside. If you have someone you love who is in the process of leaving an abuser, I would encourage them to go to their joint account and take some of the money and put it in their name. When she finally does leave him, he will go and close every account so she can’t have any money. That is what they do. This money is yours also. Even if he earned it. You are part of the family. It is not selfish. It is self-preservation. “ But then he won’t trust me if I take money out.” My dear, trust was broken a long time ago when the abuse started. God wants you to survive. God is pulling for you.

I never tell someone to get a divorce. That is not biblical. God can restore any marriage if BOTH of them will be willing to allow God to do it. However, a woman has the right to protect herself and her children physically and even spiritually. It may be necessary to separate for protection, with an understanding that when you go with me to get help; then we can talk about coming back together again. God did not create any human to live in abuse. Pray hard with the person being abused. You need to do spiritual warfare praying against the evil. There are many scriptures. Here are some I like for abused people.

Jeremiah 29:11, Psalm 46:1, Hebrews 13:5,6 Psalm 18:1-3, Romans 8:37-39

Philippians 4:13 Proverbs 3:5-7, James 1:5 James 5:16 . There is healing in Jesus name.

John 3:16,17  “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life. For God sent not his Son into the world to condemn the world; but that the world through him might be saved.” Do you believe that Jesus has come to save the world? Do you believe that “whosoever” means that anyone who believes in Him can be saved?

One of the greatest deterrents for this population group becoming Christian, is Christians themselves. I am not trying to blame Christians for the problem. Each individual is responsible for their own actions or their own sin. However, Christians are suppose to be witnesses for Christ. Christians are suppose to always be people of love. If you believe that gays and lesbians are your enemy, then the Bible teaches you to love your enemies.

The point I am trying to make here is that we Christians must be a witness for the way, the truth and the life. However, we must do so in a way that does not drive people away before they can ever hear the word. In John, Chapter 4, Jesus talks to a woman by the well. She is living in great sin. Even her own people shun her, which is why she has to come out to the well to get water all by herself in the heat of the day. She doesn’t come in the morning with the rest of the women. She comes by herself. Samaritans were the most looked down upon people of the society. Women at the time, were also often times seen as second class citizens. Then you take this Samaritan woman, and add the fact that she has had 5 husbands and living with the sixth. Given all of these facts, this Jewish society would really look down on this woman. Yet, Jesus witnesses to her. He desires that even this woman would drink of His living water. He desires that even people who society thinks of as “bad people”, might be changed by His intervention in their life.

Fast forward to today. In our society, many would look upon the homosexual community the same way the Jewish society looked upon this Samaritan woman who had been divorced 5 times, and shacked up with the 6th man. I would encourage all Christians to have the right attitude of witnessing about the love of Jesus. What is that right attitude? It is looking and knowing the attitude of Christ towards all people he met. We should emulate Christ.

If we are bombastic, blaring, blowhards who think we are better than others because we don’t have a certain sin; then we will be poor witnesses to lead others to Jesus Christ. People are not stupid in this aspect. It is all in the eyes. Other people can see in your eyes if you are looking down on them. They can see your disdainful contempt for them even if your lips are speaking something else. The eyes don’t lie.

I am just wondering how Jesus would witness to a lesbian? If He was sitting by Jacob’s well, and a lesbian woman came out to get water; what would Jesus do? Would Jesus still speak the words found in John 4:13,14. “ Jesus answered and said unto her, Whosoever drinketh of this water shall thirst again, but whosoever drinketh of the water that I shall give him shall never thirst, but the water that I shall give him shall be in him a well of water springing up into everlasting life.”

The point of this article is to not get into a debate or argument about homosexuality. I think the Bible can, and has, well addressed that issue. The Bible has also addressed how Christians are to witness and treat others as well. That is the area I am trying to challenge people to think about, and pray about.

Gay people are not deaf. They hear you when you tell your jokes at the lunch room table. They see you from a distance, make fun of them by holding a limp wrist out and talking funny. That is a myth anyway. If you knew the professional ball players, and other macho men who were gay that I worked with as a counselor; you would know there are many myths out there about the gay community. The point is, why would they ever see what you have to offer as the answer to the pain they have in their hearts? You don’t care about them. You are disgusted by them. You look down on them. Some of you hate them. This is why gays do not see Christians as someone who has a way to help them.
 
If I had a problem that I was questioning about in my own life, and I heard a group of people laugh at my issue, then I think that I would probably not talk with these people or want to hang out where they hang out. ( church). I am asking that we all humble ourselves and seek God. Ask God to give you the right attitude in your heart, and the right words to say when you want to tell others about your faith in Christ. I think we all have room for improvement in the area of witnessing for Christ in a lost and hurting world. Gay people are not “things” to laugh at. They are people. Read Matthew 9:36-38.