Family Ark Ministries

June 25, 2008

Home Intruders

Filed under: Marriage — admin @ 8:40 am

Almost all men would respond if someone broke into their home at night. We would defend our family. Every mom would defend her children to the death from a home intruder. She would stand and fight between the intruder and her children. But that would be a home invasion. That would be a person who we can see and know that they are intruding on our home. However, every day many families face home intruders and do not recognize them for what they are. They are also there to rob the family of time, joy and togetherness. Many of the home intruders I am writing about are successful because they are subtle. We don’t even recognize them as family invaders. The biggest step towards fighting these intruders is to first recognize them. Here are some common home intruders.

Work. Friends. TV. Computer. Hobbies. Sports. Entertainment. In-laws, and other family members. Our children. None of these are bad by themselves. Actually, friends, family and children can be a blessing. But you have to be careful even with a good thing, to not go too far.

Friends are wonderful. However, friends are not a good thing if a couple never has time to themselves, and are always interacting with friends. In-laws and extended family are so wonderful. However, if they pop over every Sunday, this can be a problem. If families have no boundaries, and come over whenever they want to, as unannounced guest, then this can be an invasion of time with your immediate family or as a couple.

Marriage is an exclusive club. There are only two permitted in the marriage, along with Jesus Christ. It doesn’t mean that you don’t interact with others. That is not healthy. However, it does mean that a couple has to protect their time alone to develop that intimate one to one relationship as God intended when He established marriage. When we let friends, children, work, extended family, or any one, or anything steal away our time together as a couple; it can create an erosion of the unity of the union.

I am gone many days away from home. When I do come home, it is critical that I guard and protect my time with my wife. Of course, piled up work, friends and family think it is “their” time with me because I have been gone. It would be very easy for me to go in and start answering the hundreds of phone calls and start in on work. But I must not. And the phone rings continuously. Everyone has an emergency, or needs me to call them immediately. I simply unplug and shut off every phone in the house. Cell phone. Home phone. Office phone. ( Some pastors are probably saying, “ no wonder I can’t get him”).

However, the most important person that walks this earth is my wife. She comes ahead of every single person on this planet. I have to protect our time together so that we can continue to grow together as we grow towards the Lord.

Sometimes people bury themselves in work because it is an escape. They are escaping from past pain, a dysfunctional home life, depression or a need to be needed. When they can’t find that at home, they love going to work. Many women are underappreciated at home. When they go to work, they can get some positive feedback and some needed attention from others. So, they enjoy going to work. Some people continue to work even longer hours because they are affirmed at work, and only get grief at home.

Children are the ultimate in joy and love. However, it is so easy for couples to take each other for granted and pour all of their emotional needs into their kids. A bad marriage is often the home where children reign supreme. Instead of investing nurturance into the marriage, we invest it all into our children. Children do dominate our time. I am not speaking of that. The small ones take so much time. But I have friends who have 5 children. Every year they have both sets of grandparents keep the 5 kids while they come to the marriage retreat and renew their love for each other. They protect their marriage and invest in it. This is a good thing.

Are you trying to escape a bad marriage? Are you so drained, discouraged, depressed or unappreciated at home that you have disconnected from what is important? Now you just spend your evenings in front of the computer. Computers don’t require any investment of your emotions. I must caution you that a computer can’t love you either. And scripture states that a life without love is absolutely nothing. Assess your home life. Do you have any intruders? Talk about it as a family. Start limiting your time with the intruders. Speak the truth in love. Set boundaries even if they are painful. You must protect your home from these intruders, just like you would a robber in the middle of the night. Both are out to steal the joy and union of your family. Be on guard.

June 19, 2008

Can You Ever Truly Understand Your Spouse?

Filed under: Uncategorized — admin @ 2:27 pm

No! And why do you feel the need to do so anyway? There are so many critical ingredients to focus on to make a healthier, holier marriage. Honesty, trust, open communication, empathy, respect, affirmation, affection and the list goes on. I think sometimes couples get hung up on the assumption that if they are close to each other, then they must understand each other fully. That’s not even possible.

Have you noticed that men and women are different? Not just physically. I mean the way we think, the way we respond with emotions and even how we perceive reality. I used to teach sociology at the university. There was a thing called the “social construction of reality”. Two people can experience the same event and have two very different responses. As an example: A couple are walking down a sidewalk. A man passes them and smiles while saying, “hello, how are you?” The male half of the couple may construct his reality as, “ I can’t believe that guy just hit on you – he’s trouble”. She may think, “ You are crazy, He was just being nice, polite and friendly”. Different perceptions of the same reality. But that is how men and women are. It will help your marriage if you are not shocked by these differences.

God made us different. Everything that is in the man is there by the wisdom of our mighty Creator. Every thing that a woman possesses in her being, is placed there by an all-knowing God. Stop fighting His wisdom. It can actually be used as a benefit to your marriage. I learned years ago that my wife can discern things that never cross my mind. I use her insight as a gift and blessing to my life experiences. And vice versa. Some of you expect your spouse to have the same experiences that you have. You want them to have the same emotions you have. That is not only unhealthy, but it is not going to happen.

My wife and I can see a baby and have two totally different thought processes going on. She will smile and let out this exaggerated, “ Ooooohhhhh! So cute!” I might think the baby is also cute, but I might also be thinking, “Wow. Think how much it will cost to raise that kid these days. And I wonder what kind of America they will live in. I guess they will be in the minority….”

God created us different so that when He draws us together, there is a potential that did not exist before marriage. We no longer have just our perspective on life, but we get the blessing of having a different viewpoint carved into our framework of thought.

Read carefully here. I am not saying that we don’t’ care about our spouse. I am not suggesting that guys have the “okay” to dismiss the emotions of their wife. A good marriage is where each spouse does try and understand their partner. We are concerned deeply with their emotions and feelings. If there is a problem, then we work it out with communication. We negotatiate, compromise and yield our selfish desires for the benefit of the two. There is going to be problems in the marriage if one spouse here’s at the wedding ceremony the words, “ the two shall be as one” and they think it is talking about me. The two shall be as this one. Me. A selfish marriage does not work. A marriage where one partner dominates and ignores the other one is headed for trouble. If I don’t understand my wife’s emotions or feelings, then I should sit down and desire to understand what she is going through. I need to talk, and I need to listen. I can’t just write her off and say, “ Oh well, there you go again. That is just like a woman.” That is not only insensitive, but it shows a callous disrespect for the one I am to give honor to all my life.

So I want you to communicate, show empathy, listen intently and try and learn how my spouse is understanding the situation. But we can still have different responses to the same situation. I don’t’ have to have your emotions. I don’t have to feel like you do. I don’t have to have the same reaction to this situation. I don’t have to even fully understand why you responded the way you did. That’s okay. Don’t put your views as the right way and expect that your spouse must have them as well, or they are fighting you. No, they are just different. There is not a right way or a wrong way to respond in many instances of life. Our responses are both valid. Both different. Don’t get mad at me if I don’t have the same response you do. We are different. And that is okay. I just never have permission to invalidate you. Don’t have this innate drive to fully understand your spouse. It isn’t going to happen. You’ve got bigger fish to fry.

Love your spouse. Pray for them. Talk with them. And enjoy the differences that are there by an all-wise God. Physically, emotionally and mentally we are different. The only place we are the same is spiritually. We are joint heirs together to the grace of life through Jesus Christ.

Good morning? Who said it was good?

Filed under: Christianity — admin @ 8:55 am

All of us get in a bad mood sometimes. All of us have days that seem to just start out wrong. As Christians, it isn’t a bad thing that we feel this way. It happens in a messed up world. What is not good for us Christians, is to fail to see any good in the day, and let the bad wear away. Maybe we forgot to start our day with prayer and thanksgiving, so it didn’t start right. Your day can never start wrong when it starts with prayer.

We need to have an attitude adjustment when we start having a bad day. The Word of God will quickly put us into the right frame of mind. “This is the day the Lord has made. Let us be glad and rejoice in it.” Philippians 4:4, “ Rejoice in the Lord always, again I say rejoice.” It doesn’t say for us to rejoice in our worries and cares for the day. We all have them. Scripture tells us to rejoice IN THE LORD. I can do that every day no matter what is going on. If you just take your thoughts captive for the Lord, ( II Corinthians 10:5) then you can think of some good things; like you are saved forever in a kingdom that will never end.

Satan and others can put thoughts in our head. But we are responsible for what we do with them. You can let negativity consume you. One negative thought will hook up with another one until you have a train barreling down the track of your day. De-rail that negative thought train with scripture and prayer. Place uplifting scriptures in your car, desk, home etc… Memorize them so you can quote them. Pray. Don’t pray about your worries and problems. When having a bad day, devote your prayer time to nothing but thanks to God. You can pray about all your other concerns later. When you start getting in a bad mood –STOP! Start praising and thanking God. It will change your whole spirit. Thank God not only for what He does for you, but thank Him for who He is.

God, I thank you that you held the stars in place last night and assigned them their duty. I thank you God that you sent the sun to greet my face this morning. ( Negative people might say, yes but today it is raining.) Thank you God that today you sent life giving rain to water the earth. ( Negative people might say, yes but it is raining too much and causing flooding.) Thank you God that I know that you will never send so much rain as to flood the whole earth again. I have that covenant with you. Praise God no matter what the weather.

I thank you God that you commanded the ocean waves to stay where they are, and it is impossible for them to cross the boundaries that you establish for them. I thank you God that no matter how bad it might seem this morning, there is not one sparrow anywhere on the earth that will fall out of the sky that you are not aware of. It fills me with hope knowing that as your creation of love, that you also know every step I am taking and I am in your care. Nothing will happen to me today that does not pass through nail-scarred hands.

I thank you God for every breath I take. To see. To hear the noises of the earth. To feel the breeze against my face. To smell all that is around me. I thank you that I am not starving. I thank you for the people you have blessed my life with that love me. I thank you for my church. My home. My job. My health. (whatever condition you are in). My wealth. My brain and the sound mind you gave me. Thanks for the power to defeat the enemies and overcome the world. Thank you for love. Thank you for Jesus. Thank you for my eternal home in glory that outshines the sun! Thank you for adopting me in to your royal family. Thank you Jesus for saving my soul and restoring my soul.

Thank you for being my redeemer, my rock, my fortress, my shield, my Father, my friend, my creator, my hope, my sustainer, the author and finisher of my faith. Thank you Jesus that you are the King of Kings, the Holy One of Israel, the Lamb of God, the Son of God, my alpha and omega, my all in all. Thank you for giving me strength, wisdom, hope, love, courage and anything else I ask for.

Thank you Holy Spirit for leading me, guiding me, being a lamp unto my feet, a counselor, a helper to come along side of me. Thank you God that you have sent goodness and mercy to come up behind me, you go out ahead of me to make my way straight, and send a heavenly host to encamp around me. You know when we stop and think about God instead of how bad we think things are; suddenly we can have an attitude adjustment. Hang out for a few moments with my King. He is speaking good things to me. Do you know my King? You can never have a bad day when you walk with my Lord.

June 16, 2008

Thank God You Are An American

Filed under: Christianity — admin @ 1:51 pm

As we all prepare to celebrate July 4th, as Christian families we should stop and pray to God. We should not just run to the lake, have a picnic, watch ball games, parades and fireworks. We should first gather as a family of God and thank God that we are Americans. We live in the greatest nation on earth, and that is a blessing from heaven.

Here are some things to be thankful to God for in your Independence Day Prayer.

Thank you God for letting me live in America. Thank you that in this country I have the freedom to worship you when I want and where I want. Thank you that we Americans have the freedom to worship you in churches all over this great land. We have never had to worry about being arrested for going to church. We have not been imprisoned for worshipping you on Sunday at church. Many people have been jailed for worshipping Jesus, instead of a ruthless dictator. Thank you God that I am an American.

Thank you God for all the military people throughout our history. Thank you God for those who spilled their blood on the sands of Iwo Jima. Thank you God for those who died horrible deaths in the trenches of France and Germany. Thank you God for those who died in a jungle for a cause greater than themselves. To die, so that others might live in freedom. Thank you God for those brave young men and women who to this day, put on their uniforms, leave their families and go to far away places to protect the freedom of democracy and the freedom from crazed despots. It is important that you talk about this and pray about this in front of the younger generation. If we do not instill these historical lessons in our children and grandchildren, then why do we celebrate America on July 4th?

You should also include in your prayer, your own family and loved ones who have already sacrificed, or who are currently sacrificing themselves in our military.

Thank you God for my grandfathers who served in World War I in France. Thank you God for my uncles who fought in World War II. Thank you God for my father who fought in Korea. Thank you God for my brother, nephews and nieces and son-in-law who still serve our country because they believe in all that our flag symbolizes.

Thank you God for allowing me to be an American. You have blessed us exceedingly and abundantly. Thank you that I have never held my child in my arms while they starve to death because there was no food. Thank you God that my children have never known a famine in our land. Thank you God that even the poorest of the poor here have food to eat. Thank you that my kitchen is full of food. Not only for today, but we have food stored up for days to come. Thank you God that I have been given financial blessings from you that when my food storehouse runs low, I only have to drive down the street to the grocery store and buy more.

Forgive me Father, for the times I have been ungrateful to you for what I have. I complain because I wished I had a bigger, fancier home; yet you have given me a refuge out of the storm. At the flip of a switch, I can have cool air in summer, and warm air in winter. My kids don’t know what it means to suffer physically because of cold winter nights, for you have allowed us to have heated homes. Forgive me for griping about my income. You have blessed me to be able to go into a grocery store. I can push a buggy down broad aisles lined with every type of food on the earth. I simply have to pick it off the shelves. I complain about the chore of going to the store. I complain about having to carry groceries in from the car, and I continue to complain when I have to spend time to load my kitchen cabinets full of mass quantities of food. God, forgive me. We don’t just have food that is necessary to sustain life. We are so abundantly blessed that we actually buy food that our family “desires” because it taste so good. Dear Lord, as I push my grocery cart down the aisle of the store to buy picnic supplies this July 4th, help me to think about how most of the world cannot even picture in their mind going to such a place. To shop where there is no waiting lines and bread for all. To shop in the comfort of an air-conditioned store instead of the stench of a fly-infested roadside. God teach me and my family to be more thankful for how you have blessed us here in America.

Thank you God that I have never been rounded up because of my religious beliefs, herded and humiliated through the streets of town, and sent to a gas chamber only because I believe in you. Thank you God that we can go and vote for people in this country and not fear being killed by machete-wielding madmen. Forgive me Father when I complain about having to stand in a long line to vote, when some people in the world are blown up by bombs while standing in line to vote.

Yes, thank you God for blessing me and my family to be Americans. Thank you God for blessing America. This July 4th, I will not ask you God to bless America. I will pray that your people here will bless and thank you for your exceeding provisions that you have bestowed upon us out of your unending mercy and grace. Thank you God for allowing me to be an American.

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