Family Ark Ministries

August 24, 2010

DID YOU GET YOUR BEAUTY SLEEP?

Filed under: Family, Miscellaneous — admin @ 8:41 am

Psalm 127:2  “It is vain for you to rise up early, to sit up late, to eat the bread of sorrows: for so he giveth his beloved sleep.” 

Ah yes, sleep.  Something that all humans must have.  However, in today’s society there are large segments of the population that have problems with sleeping.  While I am not going to delve into the neurological, pathological or any physiological etiology of sleep; I do want to address the psychological, emotional and spiritual components of sleep deprivation and sleep excess.

How much sleep you get determines not only how you feel physically, but how you feel emotionally.  Your behavior and relationships are directly affected by how much sleep you get.   If you are sleepy, you snap more quickly at others.  You are more irritable and quicker to explode in anger.  You have a short fuse.  You won’t get as much accomplished because you drag through your day.  There are physical, emotional and spiritual reasons for not sleeping well.

The first place to look would be in the physical realm and what you are taking into your body before bedtime.  Too much caffeine? Too much stimulation such as exercising at night, watching certain TV shows or playing video games can cause you to be hyper and not readily fall asleep.  Some workout and weight loss supplements can cause you to get poor sleep because of their ingredients.  Think about what you do after 7 pm in the evening.  If there is nothing you can think of; talk with your physician.  Your doctor needs to rule out any medical conditions that can cause you to not sleep enough or to not get enough of what they call “deep sleep”.  Everything from sleep apnea, to heart troubles to acid reflux and beyond can cause sleep deprivation.  This is easily remedied by the care of a professional.

If there is no medical reason for the sleep problems, then you will want to look at the emotional reasons next.  Worry and stress are the number one cause from the emotional standpoint.  You lay awake at night worrying about things that happened, things that might happen or things that will never happen.  You will have to start studying the Word more and praying more to begin to grow emotionally.  Philippians 4:6.  You can also buy a Christian book that helps you learn to combat anxiety, fear, worry etc… from a scriptural standpoint.   Some sleep problems are temporary due to a crisis in your life.  Divorce, death of a loved one, kids in trouble etc…  While these cause sleep problems, with grace and growth eventually you should return to a normal sleep pattern. 

Spiritually speaking, sin can cause sleep problems.  My dad used to always joke with people saying, “ If you had a clean conscience you could sleep.”  While he meant it as a joke, there is some truth to this.  Guilt or shame associated with personal sin, or the sins of others, can disturb your sleep.  Just look at the people in the Bible.  The way to deal with your own sin is to confess and repent.  The way to deal with others who are sinning or whom have wronged you is called forgiveness.  Forgiveness of others is the single greatest sleeping pill in the world. 

Sleep affects our children and family.  Stress, anger, irritability and general harmony and peace in the home are directly related to whether or not each family member is getting enough sleep.  There are many whiny, irritable little kids in this country, who may not need medication; but actually just need a more appropriate number of  hours of sleep.  Parents who do not give children regular bed times that allow 8 to 10 hours of sleep per night,  ( depending upon the age of the child) may find all types of out-of-control behavior that could be remedied by more sleep.  You cannot make up for lost sleep on the weekends.  Children who do not get enough sleep through the school week, and then try and sleep all day Saturday are hurting their growth and development.  While it does make them temporarily feel better; the muscle growth, bone growth and neurological components of the human body need regular sustained sleep.  Everyone has heard about the studies that children do better when they eat before school. This is true. And that was the impetus behind the school breakfast programs.  However, studies now show that children who sleep well also make better grades and perform better on all levels.  Some schools now are considering a later start.  Kids, even and especially teens, need lots of sleep.

Too much sleep is rare for most folks, but if you can’t function with the routine of daily living because you sleep too much, then you definitely need to see a doctor because you very well may have a physical condition. If not, then you are probably clinically depressed and need to see a doctor.   Either way, see a doctor if people tell you that you sleep too much.  Each person however, needs different amounts of sleep.  Most adults need 7-8 hours of sleep. Some are fine with 6.  Less than 6 hours of uninterrupted sleep begins to cause problems.  Remember, when you can’t sleep: Don’t count sheep, but talk to the Shepherd.

August 16, 2010

SOMEONE IN YOUR FAMILY IS DOING DRUGS – PART THREE (FINAL IN SERIES)

Filed under: Family — admin @ 5:20 pm

In PART I, I wrote about all the emotions you will face and how devastating it is to a family.  I also said we had to quickly move past the hurt and shock so that we can get the loved one moving to an answer, and away from the problem.   In PART II, we discussed how we have to love the person and forgive the person unconditionally, yet still set boundaries for help.  I wrote about the drug user being loved and forgiven by God and how they can be victorious through Christ over this. They have made wrong choices, but they are still a child of God and can start making holy, healthy choices and turn their life around.  There is always hope in Jesus Christ.  In the previous two articles, I have given over a dozen scriptures that speak exactly to this problem of drugs/alcohol and how God and Jesus are the answer. 

This is the last article in this series.  This is in no way to be construed as a full understanding of the complexities of substance abuse. It is to try and help families get out of crisis mode, and gain a small understanding so that the journey towards wholeness can begin.  I would like to add that I am a one person ministry, and stay on the road all the time.  I don’t have the time to mail out missed articles in this series.  If you need a missed copy of one of these articles, please write to the Baptist Trumpet, and they should be able to help you. 

Often times, after the initial crisis, there is this pathetic attempt on the part of the substance abuser at begging to not get help and how they have learned their lesson.  I am telling you they have not.  It is all a ruse.  If you truly love them, then you will get them the help they need over their objections.  There are only a few ways drug abuse can end.  Jail, death, destruction or seek help for healing.  They are sick and not in their right mind. The family has to help them make a healthy, holy choice. They have shown a history of being unable to make their own healthy choices.  You must stick to your convictions. Pray for God to give you courage.

Here is one of the biggest mistakes Christians make.  SEEK GODLY COUNSEL.  You may actually do more harm to send a loved one to a secular therapist because they may totally undermine the only true source of healing – Jesus Christ.  All addicts have a hole in their heart from something.  It could be a 1,000 things.  Rejection by someone. Abandonment.  Fear of failure.  Abused.  Anxiety.  Stress.  Death.  Disease.  Don’t fit in. etc..  The only way to fill that hole is Jesus.  The only way to stay off drugs and not relapse is to have the Holy Spirit bring about the change.  That is the only lasting change.  That is why so many secular drug rehab programs have such a high rate of addicts returning over and over again for treatment.  They have been told by secular therapist, that you can pull yourself up and be strong and beat this thing on your own.  A biblical counselor would say this tool of the devil will always be a temptation for you, and you will not be able to conquer this outside of the power and strength of  God himself.  God will provide an escape  for every temptation, but you are not going to beat this on your own. You must give this to God and allow Him to deliver you.  This treatment philosophy is huge.  On the one side, the person is told they can do all things.  On the other side, they are told that Christ can do all things.    Every geographic area has Christian therapist today. You may have to go to the largest urban city near you, but they all have them.  You can get on the internet and find drug rehab programs, camps, long-term treatment facilities, hospitals etc… that are Christian based.  There are programs in each state that offer free treatment facilities because they are Christian ministries.    However, a word of caution here.  You need to check the program out first.  It is great that they are Christian, but we still need a Christian professional to help the people.  Some people may have a heart to help addicts, and say the wrong thing because they have no knowledge of addictions.  There are also some Christian places that are run by denominations.  I am not saying don’t go to these, but you need to pray and decide if this is the best place.  Do you want to send your loved one to a Christian drug rehab where they will be told that to overcome this addiction, they must speak in tongues and be saved?  Do you want them to go to a program that says “God as you understand him or HER to be” can help you?   I am not telling you what you should do.  I am saying I encourage you to do some homework.  I know you are in crisis mode and need to get the help quickly.  But in an effort to help your loved one with this problem, don’t send them someplace that might damage them spiritually.   They may not need hospitalization.  Maybe they just need a once a week support group that meets in a church like the “Celebrate Recovery “ programs that are nation-wide.   From my articles, I want you to know that you are not the worst family in the world.  All families are touched by drugs/alcohol today.  Don’t let guilt cripple you.  There is hope that your loved one will become drug free.  All of you need to come together and re-structure your home life. Not just the abuser.  Start living in the priorities of life. Live for Christ and let the Bible be your code of conduct.  Examine your home life.  If you are living for Christ, then understand that you are under Satanic attack and fight him.  We have the victory over Satan. We have the victory over drugs and alcohol. We have the victory because we have Jesus.  Don’t throw the towel in and give up.  Remember, there is an empty tomb!  Because He lives – I can face tomorrow!!

SOMEONE IN YOUR FAMILY IS DOING DRUGS – PART TWO

Filed under: Family — admin @ 5:12 pm

In the last article we discussed the emotions that occur when you discover someone in your family is doing drugs.  I wrote about changing our attitude quickly, so we can move forward on being “solution focused” rather than “ problem focused”.  We have to grieve, but at the same time we have to be able to adapt and change to our new family life so that our loved one can get help. I offered a half dozen scriptures of comfort.

This week I will offer some ideas to consider regarding the actual healing process.  Drug and alcohol abuse is a horrible event in the life of a family. It can destroy the family. It can also be used by God as a “valley walk” that leads to a strengthening of the family for the future.  It can actually bring people closer together as we discover what is truly important in life – love and relationships.  The love of the Father, and the life that can only come through Jesus Christ.   

What we have to understand is that all humans make choices to cope with life.  All people have problems in life. When any human is faced with a problem, we choose how we will deal with it to return to a state of normalcy.  There are many options. We can choose healthy, holy options such as Bible study, prayer, meditation on the Word, warm bath, exercise, walking, communicating in a group setting, talking it out with others etc.. Or we can choose unhealthy options such as drinking, drugging, overeating, purging, cutting on yourself, gambling, sexual addiction etc… One way or the other, we all choose a way to cope.  The problem with your loved one is they made wrong choices.  This is still the wonderfully made little baby that you held once upon a time.  If it is a spouse or parent; this is still the same adult person that you have always loved.  They may be already saved.  They can, beyond this problem, be a good person.  They have simply made wrong choices.  They are responsible for these choices.  There will be consequences from these choices that we should not rescue them from.  It will cost them. 

However, in the blight of this problem of drug/alcohol abuse, don’t lose sight of the fact that this is still someone you love. This is a person God loves.  This person was made in the image of the Father and they are a child of God.  This is still someone that Jesus died for, and whom Jesus still desires to heal and to restore their soul.  Look beyond the drug addiction, and see that there is still a person in there trying to climb out of this thing, and they just keep self-destructing because of their choices. 

If we love them, then we must restore them.  Galatians 6:1,2.  They don’t need a lot of preaching right now that drug use is wrong.  They know that.  They need you to love them unconditionally as God so loved the world.  I John 4: 8-11.  They need you to forgive them unconditionally, as you have been forgiven.  Ephesians 4:32.  They need to completely re-direct their life and pursuits.  Romans 8:5.  The person using drugs must come to an understanding that even though they have made choices that are destroying their life and that of others, God still loves them.  Romans 8: 38,39.  They must realize that they too can be totally forgiven by Christ.  I John 1:9.  They must realize that they have to repent of their choices and turn to following God.  II Chronicles 7:14.  They must battle the devil and claim victory.  Realize that they can beat this thing with Jesus.  Philippians 4:13.  Luke 1:37.  Romans 8:37.

You have to get them help. It usually requires help from a third-party objective helper.  God is the one who helps. But God often times uses others to help us.  As a former counselor, I never helped anyone. God did the helping.  Jesus did the healing. But God used me as an instrument in His hand to help this person.  That is how He uses us.  For His glory.  By serving others.  So, move past the ignorant belief system if you have it, that Christians don’t need counseling, all they need is to pray more.  We all need to pray more.  I know that God can just instantly and miraculously heal someone of a drug addiction.  But he often times makes it a journey of faith so that we can learn and grow and become more dependent upon Him. Therefore we seek counseling.  Proverbs 1:5.

You must be fervent in your praying as a family.  You must seek direction from God.  Realize that many people will offer many opinions.  Keep it in mind that every family and every individual is still unique.  What worked for one may not work for the other.  Therefore, while you listen to all of these opinions offered, you must ultimately let the Holy Spirit of God lead you to the help you need.

Do not let the abuser talk you out of getting help. If they say they are going to stop and promise you they will stop; you are being fooled.  People who use drugs/alcohol are grand manipulators and you are being played like a fiddle.  You have let this go on long enough.  Stop enabling the abuse to continue.  Set down some tough love.  They are going for help and it is not an option.  We simply have to decide as a family what is the best treatment option for this person.  Part Three of this series follows.

August 10, 2010

SOMEONE IN YOUR FAMILY IS DOING DRUGS – PART ONE

Filed under: Family — admin @ 8:18 am

Talk about a shock.  When you first find out that someone in your family is doing drugs, you feel a whole range of emotions.  You are stunned.  You are overwhelmed.  Hurt.  Heart-broken.  Ashamed.  Guilt-laden.  Angry.  Depressed.  It is like getting kicked in the gut.  It is one of those days that is an “OH NO” day.  You may want to shout. You may just be stunned into silence.  You may burst into tears.  But when you discover a loved one is using or abusing drugs; it is opening up a new chapter in the family life book for you.

I usually have 1 to 3 families that I would call my friends or acquaintances, every single week call me about finding out someone in the family is using drugs.  They are in crisis mode, and do not know what to do.  Here are some things to help you cope when this happens to you.

1)  Move quickly away from guilt -  People are responsible for their own choices in life. I always tell parents who can’t believe their child is using drugs, “ welcome to the typical Christian home of today.”   About half of all Christian homes today will experience someone in their home using drugs.  All families will have someone during their lifetime in their extended family use drugs.  It may be a cousin, or an in-law, but everyone has them. You may not be aware of who it is in your family because sometimes people keep it a secret from other family members.  But drugs are so pervasive, that all families will have this problem.  If you include alcohol, which is the most common drug in America, then about 90% of all homes will have someone who engages in this drug use.  You need to not feel guilty.  I know you do. It isn’t wrong to feel it.  It is a natural, normal thing to occur. But you must move quickly beyond it to a more productive emotion.  People make their own choices.  If you are an older adult, and your adult child starts using drugs, you bear no responsibility.  You raised them.  They know better.  They have made their own choice that goes against what you taught them.   That is totally their responsibility.  If you have a child still living at home, then although it is a hard thing to come to grips with; yes you as a parent do bear responsibility along with your child; for the drug use.  But even in this case, you have to move ahead on solving the problem rather than scraping your guts out forever over what you could have done differently.  We now have to get help, set boundaries etc…There are probably many things you could have done that might have helped.  None of this reflection will do one bit of good in moving your loved one towards healing.  Let’s get on with the answer.

2)  Call Jesus first. Before you call a therapist, a friend, a lawyer or whomever; you should follow scripture as a Christian.  The book of Matthew 6:33 tells us to seek God first. And then He will take care of all of our needs.  Don’t worry or be anxious, but seek the Lord in prayer in Philippians 4:6 and He shall give you peace in 4:7. Jeremiah 3:33
reads, “ Call unto me, and I will answer thee, and show thee great and mighty things, which thou knowest not. “  If you call out to God, he will come to you. He doesn’t consider or think about it.  He does.  He comes to you!  And this is what you need right now.  The presence of God.  He will do great things for you it states.   Finally, don’t give up. Luke 1:37 states,  “For with  God nothing shall be impossible.”    Romans 8:37, “Nay in all these things, we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us.”  This is not an irreversible, impossible problem with God.  And with Christ, even a drug problem can be conquered.  There may be some hardships. There may be troubled days ahead.  But we are MORE than conquerors through Christ.

3)  Attitude is critical right now. You are going to fall apart or your family is going to hold together and grow stronger.  This is not your dream for this family member.  If it is a spouse, you didn’t think about this when you watched them walk down the aisle. If it is a child, you never dreamed of this when you held them as a newborn.  While this is not the life you wanted, it is the life you got. We have got to live life on life’s terms right now.  We are not going to be victims to drug abuse but victorious. We are not going to walk around at church seeking pity, but living in the power of  Christ.  That power is what will deliver your loved one from addictions.  Romans 8:28 tells us that all things work together for good.  Satan wants this to destroy your family.  But it can work so that God can get glory and your family strengthened, and you all be closer than ever before.

So, let’s have an attitude adjustment. I am not minimizing the seriousness of this problem.  But we must believe, and see, and hope, that from this crisis will emerge a new perspective on life.  There will be a restructuring of the family, and focus more on what truly are the priorities of life.  Perhaps we have pursued the wrong things in our family in the past, and now God is going to give us a second chance to find redemption, healing and grace.  This is a growth opportunity and a grace event for the whole family.  God’s grace is getting ready to slosh out all over you.  Because He has said His grace is sufficient to get you through the hard times of life.  Sufficiency means nothing else is needed.

We will look at treatment options in the next article in this series.

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