Family Ark Ministries

Ah, yes. The lazy, hazy days of summer. Children should be allowed to have lots of free time in the summer. I am an advocate of allowing children time to just decompress over the summer. There should be time periods in your children’s life where there is no schedule. They need time to just play, have fun and basically do nothing. In today’s modern society, many children go from a hectic school schedule, to an even busier summer schedule. Many American children have a summer that is packed full of non-stop activities. They have ball games, swimming classes, camps, specialty camps, church activities, vacations etc… When do they have time to rest? A meaningful life is not one that is filled with unending activities. That leads to adults and young people who are stressed out and have an insatiable appetite to constantly be entertained. That is not the key to a nice life.

While some activities are good, too much of a good thing becomes a negative. There is nothing wrong with sports or band camp, science camp and a trip. However, all these things need to be in moderation and with limits. Your child may be good at several sports, but that does not mean they need to play in every one of them. They have to learn that there is more to life than sports. There is more to life than having to be constantly entertained. This is why so many Americans are anxious, restless and stressed out. Kids need to learn to have quiet periods. They need to pray and study the Word each day. They need to keep up with the process of learning whether they are in school or not. It is good to teach your children to always build into their day to learn something or read something. Try and establish a 30 minute period each day when all activities cease, and there is a quiet time. Everyone just reads or prays or is quiet. There doesn’t have to be music blaring. Most children are constantly engaged with external stimuli. They have their cell phones, ipods, music in their rooms, TV, video games, or even occasionally actually talk to a person face to face. But few kids have time where all electronic engagement is shut off and they just find a comfortable spot to absorb some peace and quiet. This would be a healthy and holy habit to establish. Psalm 46:10. Mark 6:31.

Kids need to find a desert place and come apart to rest.

Summertime is also an excellent time to teach the Biblical command to serve others. It is so critical for Christian parents to teach their children to serve others. We want to serve Jesus. We do this by serving others. While it would be good for kids to have ministry all year long, we can shoot for a goal of at least having them do ministry activities when school is out and they have more free time. If your kids spend their entire summer doing what they want to do, and chasing all the activities they desire, without ever doing something for someone else; then don’t be surprised when they grow up to be selfish, self-serving adults. That is how they were raised. Again, it is okay to play, but we have also been given a high calling by the Lord to serve others.

Begin this process by having a family meeting to discuss ministry activities for the summer. You can begin by reading Matthew 25: 34-46. This is clear for kids to understand. If we love and serve Jesus, then we will serve others. It is like doing it to, and for, the Lord. While many church kids go on church trips in the summer, it is not the same as owning a personal ministry that is right around them. And it is good for them to have a helping/serving ministry that gives them no personal pleasure at all. We don’t help others only because we want the chance to win a free bicycle or to get a free T-shirt. There are many activities where church kids do great things, and along the way they stop off at an amusement park or a ball game. Please, understand. This is great. I am not knocking this. I just think that your kids ought to do one thing to help others where they get absolutely no personal pleasure or benefit for themselves. Their reward is from serving the Lord.

Write it down. Let the kids and parents come up with a list of possibilities. Then, make a plan. Who will do this? Where? What day each week will we do this? Time of day? Who else will be needed? Should it be done in the evening so dad can drive you over there? These things have to be talked out so that the plan works and is not a burden to the family. All children can serve. Little ones may have to help bake something to take to elderly shut ins. Just having a four year old show up with some cookies and a picture that has been colored by them; to an older person’s home is a blessing to that person. It brightens their day. Older kids can mow lawns, change light bulbs in houses, water gardens, paint, clean up a home or yard that has fallen into disrepair, visit hospitals, nursing homes, etc… The list is endless. If you know of no one in need, ask your pastor. There are neighbors even right around you that you could do something nice to help them. That is letting your light so shine before others that they can see your good works and glorify God. Matthew 5:16. Set this summertime as a ministry time for your kids.

If it surprises you that whipped cream can be dangerous; you may also be surprised to learn that there are many other common products that are potentially deadly to your family. Such things as PAM cooking spray, nail polish remover, hair spray, deodorant, some candy and Advil are just a few. These are common household products that our young children and young teenagers are abusing. These products are used by Inhalant Abusers. The process is commonly referred to as Huffing.

Just so you will know, it is not whipped cream in a tub in your freezer. The whipped cream high is the type of whipped cream in an aerosol can. The kids spray it out and breathe in the nitrous oxide which is the gas used to push the whip cream out of the can. Kids have died from it. It is commonly referred to as a “whippit”. They love to breath the fumes of felt pins, air duster cleaners for computer key boards, and anything in the bathroom or kitchen that is in an aerosol can. They also continue to use the old standbys of gasoline, glue, cement, Freon etc… They use household cleaning products like Pine-Sol and Febreeze. They also crush up Advil and Smarties (candy) and snort those.

Why do children and very young teenagers abuse these products? Because they are in the home. An 11-year-old does not readily have the means to drive somewhere and buy some pot . So, when they look to get a high, they just have to look around the house. While you may think this is a small minority of young people, it is sadly not. According to the National Institute of Drug Abuse, 66% of 8th graders do not think it is harmful to occasionally huff. While kids are fearful to report such things, most professionals think that the majority of middle school kids have used inhalants at some point. Many have gone on to become addicted. Many of these have gone on to the cemetery.

It is truly a sad state that our nation finds itself in. In years past, the leading causes of death in children were diseases like scarlet fever, malaria and simple infections. Now, our children are dying from alcohol/drugs, homicide and suicide. We are a nation in desperate need of a healing from Jesus Christ. It is incumbent upon all parents to be aware of this problem. It may affect your children. And even if it doesn’t, it effects someone’s kids you know. It is that widespread. The highest percentage of inhalant abusers in America are in the 8th grade. Inhalants however, are widely used in the 5th,6th and 7th grades as well. It is not uncommon to have children in elementary already inhaling. You must educate your children that this is a dangerous and potentially deadly thing to do. There are many drugs that most likely would not kill you the first time. Inhalants can. Inhalants are carried in the blood stream to the brain. It cuts off oxygen to the brain. This is called brain hypoxia. How much, and how long can you breathe in some fumes before you shut off too much oxygen to the brain and die or receive brain damage? It varies, but how does a 12 year old know? They don’t, and the consequences are severe. Major problems can also occur when the chemicals are stored and not disposed of by the body. They can store themselves in fatty tissues in the brain. The chief one of theses is the myelin. It stops nerve messages from the body to the brain. It is the same thing that occurs with multiple sclerosis patients. So, you can slowly hurt yourself, or you can die the first time you use. Inhalants don’t just effect the brain, but can cause profound damage to the liver, kidneys and even bone marrow. Inhalants are 3 times more addictive than other drugs, and 3 times more deadly. Because the high doesn’t last long, they have to use it over and over to get high. Kids don’t realize how easy it is to become addicted.

Parents must educate their children of this growing national problem. You must also help your kids learn to minister to other kids they know who are trying this. They must tell an authority figure because they may be saving this kid’s life. You can find out a great deal of information by visiting the National Institute of Drug Abuse (NIDA) section on Inhalants on the web.

I had a 12 year old in public school tell me after one of my drug talks: “ Please keep warning us about inhalants. He said my friend and I used to do it. We found some “fix a flat” in my dad’s car. We inhaled it and it sealed our lungs shut. My friend died and I have irreversible brain damage.” This young man was only 12. How sad. I don’t think that the terrorist will probably be the ones to destroy America. I think the enemy is already here and it is drugs and alcohol. There are so many hurting kids, and they are using a very destructive means to deal with their problems. Please don’t act like it isn’t in “my house”, “our schools” or “our churches”. It is tragically all around you. Pray!

Sometimes I start out in a parenting conference with this simple advice. When it comes to parenting your children today, you will need two things on hand. Duct tape and medication. This is the quickest way to handle out of control behavior. Give them something that will calm them down, and tape anything that moves. I have gone into churches where the kids are all so out-of-control, I just wished the pastor could be like a priest. But instead of everyone lining up and taking a piece of bread from a priest who places it in their mouth, maybe the pastor could line the kids up and start placing a Ritalin or Valium in their mouth. (Even though people should know I am kidding, I am surprised how many don’t. So, I will tell you that all of this first paragraph- I’m just kidding!!)
The real answer to out of control kids lies with parents learning how to take responsibility as the loving authority in their child’s life. The “ buddy system” doesn’t work. You cannot be your child’s best buddy or friend. They need someone who is in authority and sets down the rules of behavior and conduct. When the child is put in the driver’s seat of the home, that home is headed for a crash. Children are more secure and comforted when they can operate within the boundaries of a home where clear guidelines for expected behavior exist. Children do not have to guess what is expected of them. They know. They do not have to be like monkeys in the wild and see what behavior they can possibly get away with. They know their limits. They know their parents love them and have set these limits for their benefit. Even if they don’t understand all the rules, they obey because they know their parents love them, and they know their parents are their authority. Proverbs 19:18 “Chasten thy son while there is hope, and let not thy soul spare for his crying.”
A major part of the problem in some homes is too much freedom and too much permission. Children are allowed way too much freedom without any requirement of responsible behavior or productive work. Too much permission is allowing the child to do whatever they want. They are allowed to do things that they do not have the reasoned intellect, or emotional capacity to perform at their age. Parents are suppose to teach, and serve as a surrogate brain for their child until the child is mature as an adult to handle these challenges on their own. Yes, children need to lean and experiment. But that must be done within the context of safety, sanity and socialized acceptability.
The parents find it easier to just ignore their child’s misbehavior. Some of these parents might be lazy and don’t want to take the hard work and responsibility involved in productive parenting. Still others are simply self-centered, and are too tired to put forth the effort. “ I am tired. I have worked all day. I am going to sit down and relax”. The parents want to do what they want to do, and the kids want to do what they want to do. So, as a result, we have a home where there is no order. Just chaos and confusion. Everyone in the home lives by the motto, “ I will do what I want to do”.
The home becomes very dysfunctional. It ceases to be a place that produces love and future socialized, well-adjusted individuals to a three-ring circus where there is no circus-master and all the animals are allowed to run with abandon. Children do not grow in this home. They just survive. They create adaptive behaviors to just survive.
Parents must restore order to the home. As ordained by God, the parents are to be over the children. The parents are to teach their children about life. Life’s lessons include how to live together with others. They teach them how to work. Productive members of society all work at something. Leisure and pleasure only come as a reward for responsible work achieved. Parents are to actively teach their children about their faith. They should never rely on other institutions to instill a deep and abiding faith in their children. This can only come by an active and on-going home where the tenets of faith are taught and lived out. Devotions, prayer time, bible study, singing praises, monthly ministry work outside the home, giving to others etc…are all demonstrated by everyone in the home. A legacy is lived out, not just given lip service. Parents must always remember that if they desire for their children to be hard-working, responsible, loving, God-honoring, Christ-following individuals; then they must be shown every step of the way. Parents can not pass on what they do not possess themselves.
Some simple ways to begin to restore order in the home are to set down clear rules of expected behavior. No talking back, no whining, obedience when asked to do something etc…These rules are clearly communicated to the children. The parents show the kids one time how to do such things as chores, and then expect them to be done. Failure to honor or obey is met with discipline. No privileges until work is done. This is where most drop the ball. You must be filled with resolve. Start praying and reading the Bible in your home at night. This will make a dramatic difference in the “peace factor” in your home. And finally, all the discipline in the world cannot be received rightly, unless unconditional love flourishes in the home. Love means you have to spend time with them eating meals together, praying together, playing together. You are not spending quality time with your kids to run them to ball games and lessons, while you sit and watch. You have to interact with them. Don’t get discouraged. You don’t have to do it all in one night. Just start tonight. Slowly. Gradual and steady improvement is your goal.